In some version
of the good old days, a contract could be sealed with a word and a handshake. Children
were taught, “Your word is your bond.” This was an agreed-upon community
standard that made it possible to trust and be trusted. After my father’s recent
death, I learned that he had a business partner he trusted so implicitly that
all it took was one phone call, one word, one handshake, to agree to a new
business deal – no lawyers, no spreadsheets, no documentation, no fine print. It
worked, for them.
Our children
start out trusting our word completely, believing that our word is gold. They
believe that we will do what we say, that we mean what we say, that our
promises can be trusted. At some point they learn just how flawed our word can
be when we fail to protect them, when we fail to show up for them, when they
are left to wait and wonder what happened and why? Much like parents’
experience when their children become teenagers and don’t come home on time, and
they are left to wait and wonder what happened and why?
It’s a
terrible feeling to be lied to, a feeling of betrayal. But what about when we ourselves
are not true to our word? What about when we don’t keep our commitments, even
the ones we make to ourselves?
Robert Gass
of the Rockwood Leadership Institute challenges us to make our word impeccable.
Impeccable. Wow. Like, ‘your word is
your bond,’ or something crazy like that.
He says we
need to make one big list of all of
our commitments, large and small. For some, that means combining several well-organized
lists into one. For others like me, it may mean gathering up tattered legal
pads, scattered sticky-notes, electronic calendars, under-utilized planning
apps and the notes I’ve written on my hand. The end result is not pretty. It quite
overwhelming. Gass says that for our word to become impeccable, we have to fully acknowledge to ourselves all
the commitments we have made and begin to cross them off our list. Then we need
to begin to practice, taking note when we say ‘Yes,’ and practicing saying
‘No.’ We learn to take a breath before saying ‘yes.’ We learn the freedom in
saying ‘No.’
At Beloved,
we often say that ‘Yes’ can be holy only if ‘No’ is equally regarded as holy. I
know I would much rather be told ‘No’ than to be told ‘Yes’ and be let down. I
would rather someone tell me that they don’t have time to serve on the Church
Council than to join the Council only to miss all the meetings. I would rather
someone tell me they can’t help out at an event that to agreed and then not
follow through. It leaves a sinking feeling in my stomach and sinking hole in
the path to progress. The same is true when I fail to be true to my word.
I tend to
run a few minutes late. A member of my family thinks that if you are on time,
you are late. He believes that being on time is a sign of love - you never have to doubt that I will be here
for you. It’s a sign of respect – I don’t value my time over yours. It’s
a commitment to doing what you say you will do, when you say you will do it – you can rely on me. Being on time is one
aspect of keeping your word impeccable.
In the
Hebrew Bible, the Hebrew word ‘dabar’ means both ‘Word’ and ‘Deed.’ This has long
fascinated me - a language and a culture in which ‘Word’ and ‘Deed’ are the
same thing. Perhaps it was based on the fact that God’s people are made in
God’s image. When God speaks, things happen. God speaks new creations into
existence. God speaks healing into reality. God’s promises can be trusted. So it
should be the same with us. We’re not God, but with God’s help, it’s possible.
That’s a
promise.
It’s a
promise that can be trusted.
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